On Privacy

September 16, 2014 § 9 Comments

I don’t want to hit you with a snark attack here, but I have to say a few things about a blog that I discovered two weeks ago. Princess Burlap has changed my life. I found the blog through an ad on another site. It was promoted by a little brown panel with pastel cursive that read: “Autistic husband. Beffudled ovaries. A love story.” And I thought it was some wonderful wit making fun of women’s bloggery. Until I went there, and I realized… no.

The only thing I find more mind boggling than Princess Burlap is the mommy blog upon which her ad floated. I’m not sure why I was there, really, but I can picture myself now, bug-eyed and transfixed, thinking: how does this woman think it’s appropriate to turn her five babies into internet darlings? Is there nothing sacred?

And then I thought, Oh shit. 

Yes, yes, we can all agree that Max is way cuter than most e-babies, but still. Does the web need another doting mother? I know my blog isn’t garnering a million views a day, but even so, I feel compelled to scale back. Discretion is the theme: I don’t want my life to be a public life. I have purposely chosen a career where being public for public’s sake is not part of the game.

Also, I am going back to work in two weeks (!) and I will be working as a civil servant. The courthouse is a public space, where anyone can visit. And, when there’s a trial, people turn out. In droves. Anyone can follow a lawyer who works there home. At the end of the day, we are just people, walking out of the security gates, and away from the peace officers, and down into the subway. We are dispersed by these veins and arteries through the body of New York. I will not be protected when I leave work, and I want my family to be sheltered from the ancillary public aspect of what I do. I don’t want Max or Christopher to have living profiles online–at least not profiles perpetuated by me.

Another piece of this, and the one that various mom blogs–or would-be mom blogs–have me considering, is that Max did not choose this. If Max wants me to work to propel him to Internet stardom someday, then he and I can have that discussion. (To that end, I will encourage him to find help in someone who at least maintains a facebook account.) I’ve been able to control how much I share about myself and my family in this space. But Max has not had that ability. Perhaps he’d make different choices about what to reveal, and what to withhold. The point is: who am I to say? If I have to ask myself that question, I probably ought to shut up.

The purpose of this blog was never to garner readership, although I am so happy and grateful that a few of you seem to come back. Instead I write here to hold myself accountable to memorializing this special time. So, I will keep writing it, but I will mark the posts with photos and personal stories as private. If you’d like to read those, please email me. I will figure out a way to share them.

With love and gratitude to all.

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§ 9 Responses to On Privacy

  • Ruth Moran says:

    I like the way you think! Although I will miss the updates on your family life and your beautiful son, I can fully appreciate your decision! Good luck with your prosecutors job! Go get ’em!

  • Silvana Bishop. UK. says:

    I completely understand your reservations regarding privacy. I wish you and your little family all the best.

    If you do figure out a way to keep things going, please count me in…

  • MaryAnn de says:

    Geez, I never thought about all that. I’m a person who doesn’t do Facebook, Twitter & to be honest, I only read one blog. Infact, following your blog sorta made me feel like I’d finally arrived in the “computer world” on some teeny level. I viewed your correspondence as “storytelling” or like a letter from a friend. I myself still write letters so you can see the connection. But…when you put it “that way”, it is sorta scarey. The times, they have “a-changed”.
    Do whats best for yourself & your fam. If you figure out some way to continue that’s no so invasive, great. If not, God Bless. I’ve enjoyed the time we spent. Head to the sky…de xxx

  • Louise says:

    Good luck for the future. I will miss seeing Max grow but I can appreciate your dilemma. Keep marking the time because the bigger they get the faster it passes. Thanks for including us in your special family time.

  • Maria says:

    I think you have made the right decision, but over the last few years (including Bread&Courage) your blog has been like a tiny therapy to me, I love how you look at life and how you write about it, it makes me aware of the little things that make up life! Good luck with everything, and if you manage to still share your posts with only a few people, I would love to be one of them.

  • Jean says:

    I totally agree with your decision, but I have to tell you that your blog post have always been like a breath of fresh air. I love how you write about true life, you have always given me food for thought and ideas to ponder and help me realize what really is important in life, it not what most people think. I’ll miss the recipes that you shared – several have become staples in my house!
    I truly wish only the best for you and your family. And best of luck returning to your very tough job. I can’t imagine that you will have any extra time to write, but by chance you do I’d love to be on the list that gets to read it. You’re a fantastic writer!

  • archiesmommy says:

    I tried to send you a message, but I’m new to WordPress, so I really don’t know what I’m doing. I would love to follow your blog, and I appreciate you replying to my comment. Here is my e-mail: cdionfan_94@hotmail.com

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